My mama blessed this son of hers last night with these words: I am more proud of you as a man today than I have ever been...more proud of you for falling into a hole of addiction and then rising above it... than if you never went there in the first place. To say those words didnt make me cry...would be a lie. In my morning time with my higher power (whom I choose to call God) this beautiful Sunday morning, I felt perhaps its time I shared my story...as many dont really know what happened to Youth Pastor Joe...or TV producer Joe...or most importantly what happened to family and daddy Joe... Dont worry this wont be long...for my story is truly this: I was a man who was driven by personal ambition and success...for I felt as a man my worth was solely determined by personal power and achievement. In other words if my youth group was 100+ kids...I was worthy...and I deserved love. If my television and film work were broadcast daily...I was worthy...I am a man...I deserve love. From whom may you ask? Why my family and friends ofcourse...thats why everybody loved me right...because I was the guy who got the job done...that was my place in the world. Until one day...I couldnt. I couldnt keep up that pace...I suddenly couldnt fight for my love anymore...the stress was simply too much. Then the panic. What if I cant shine anymore with my go gettedness...what if I become just average Joe...oh my god...what if? Oh no that just wont do....hmmm...those pills the doc gave me...yeaaaaah...THAT will keep the ball rolling. But then the pills were becoming a nuisance...you know...getting them, lying, faking illnesses...and oh yeah and my wife and kids jumped ship on my crazy addicted azz...so what the hell (pun intended) lets really feel good...lets try some of that white powder stuff...oooooo look at that crystalline stuff...and yes, at the very end I decided that stuff in that needle there...screw it...why not?... ...and then one day, after 4 years in Prison, 6 rehabs, and using and abusing anyone and everyone... I found myself homeless, pitiful, sick, and drug infested on the Vegas strip running from the cops...when in my escape I jumped over a retaining wall...and there before me was a half eaten body. That was the day my God shouted at me, That will be you Joe. And your family wont even look for you for 6 months. A few days later I checked myself into a shelter in Bend Oregon and began the only program that worked...but its anonymous so I cant tell you (smile). But it wasnt until a year and a half later...trudging along...doing the next right thing ESPECIALLY when I didnt feel like it...when the miracle of miracles happened for me; and it may not be what you think. I was sitting in a garage...and I knew...I knew I was loved and adored...and I always had been..by my Daddy God. I didnt have to work for it, it just IS. I WAS WORTHY BY BIRTH. That is a fact for me today...and then suddenly my love for Him...was. This is my truth today: my greatest defense against myself and this crazy scary world...is my knowledge that I am a child of God. How did I achieve such Faith? I went to Hell...voluntarily...and God voluntarily asked me if I wanted to come home. Even typing those words today leaves me in a state of great emotion. Anyway thats enough out of me for one day. I love you all.
Posted on: Sun, 03 Nov 2013 15:58:43 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015