PLEASE DONT MISUNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF THIS POST...It is merely like an on-going journal that helps me cope. I dont need sympathy nor scores of well-wishes. I feel more a need to make apologies. Dont know how people with other conditions feel, but-- worse than the obvious downside-- I find Lupus such a SELFISH DISEASE. When it sneaks in on attack, you go into a Fog with The Wolf and Yourself. You stop watching your favorite TV shows. You stop answering FB messages or returning phone calls. You stop thinking about other peoples feelings and how hurt they are when they dont know how to respond to you or help. You stop wanting them to touch you. You think Dark Things sometimes. Worse, sometimes you stop thinking about those who are going through the same or much worse. Sometimes I even forget to talk to God. But, without these things, I dont know how I would cope: A good partner who understands. Painting to keep me focused on something beyond myself. The occasional smile from my grandkids. Keeping Gracie The Cat out my my paints and ribbons. And, yes, prayer. I dont stop Caring...like the phrase in Home Alone when Kevin talks to the Bird Lady...sometimes I just Forget to remember. I apologize for this. I need to. If I dont, then it means Nothing Matters except the Wolf. So...gonna apologize to whoever listens, tie myself to the chair today, say some prayers for the rest of ya, let Gracie go at the ribbons, and think of coming relief when treatment starts again. There is sunlight somewhere beyond the Fog in The Forest. The Wolf only has the Power I give it. There may not always be a Cure for what ails us...but there is always Hope beyond the edge of the Darkness.
Posted on: Wed, 12 Mar 2014 12:03:27 +0000
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