Sabbatical reflection 3 Which is the real person? It is very easy for Christian ministers to become two people. The external public self and the private self. In fact a certain amount of this is necessary as we all wear personas in different settings. The problem comes when the persona becomes a false reflection of the real self, or when the persona becomes corrupted by the desire for power of success. This can easily happen to church leaders if they are not careful. They can be doing the job because they want to see their ministry succeed, because they want to see more people coming to "their" church, and this can be the dominating motive behind their work. The focus on serving God and being faithful to him whether or not people come to church should be the primary focus but it can easily not be. This is because all of us, clergy included, are frail and imperfect people. It is a wonder God chooses to use us at all! On my sabbatical I was given an opportunity to step away from the persona of the priesthood and ask myself a question - who am I and am I called to the ministry still? Without the pressures of day to day ministry it was an opportunity to see where I really was on a personal level with my relationship with God and to assess how strong I really felt spiritually. Without the daily work to sustain me, part of me naturally felt like a vacuum had been created inside me, and this led me deeper into prayer and Christian reading and bible study. Through this I journeyed on to a new realisation that my identity is in Christ and not in my job. In other words, if I were not to be a vicar anymore, and went off to do a "normal" job (If there is such a thing) I would still be loved by God and have a personal relationship with him. This came strongly to me as I climbed a hill above Lee Abbey and looked over a wide expanse of sea. I did not hear an audible voice but a thought came to me which seemed to be of God - "its your inner identity that matters Simon". We all have an outward identity whatever we do. Nobody is more special in my view than anyone else in God’s eyes. The person who brings the newspaper to a famous leader of a country in the morning or who cleans his study windows is just as special to God as that leader, arguably even more so! Indeed, in the beatitudes, Jesus talks about how the poor, the downtrodden and the persecuted have a special place in God’s heart. We sometimes need to let go of our outer identity to discover our inner identity as children of God. Times of stress and challenge – and my sabbatical had elements of both – helped me realise that if I place my identity in my job I can easily become egotistical and success orientated. However, if I put my identity secure in my position in Christ, then God can protect me from the ego and help me to focus on loving Him and loving people around me, even when the going is tough. I think the same applies for all those reading this. It is not just a lesson for clergy. We all need to find our inner identity as children of God and not judge ourselves ultimately on how successful our financial life, romantic life, family life or other aspects of our life is. Finding our identity in God brings us the Shalom which nothing else can.
Posted on: Tue, 09 Jul 2013 08:21:50 +0000
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