So some of you know this, and some of you dont but I leave for Tanzania on Thursday, and today I had to make some purchases to equip myself on the field. Heres a little conversation with the camping and hiking department staff: Sales guy: So I heard you needed a flashlight and a swiss army knife, lets get you a knife first. Do you know what you want? Me: Why would one need a swiss army knife? What does one do with it in the wild? Sales guy: So you havent used one before? Me: To open a beer bottle and uncork wine at a picnic yes.... I figure a pride of lions could use it to portion me once theyve hunted me? Sales Guy: Hahahah, well you can also cut things, saw things, snip things? Me: Give me the one thats on sale, Ill be honest with you, if it comes down to a situation where I need to be using a swiss army knife, its already a little too late for me. Anyway Id probably end up accidentally cutting my finger with it and luring predators my way.... Sales Guy: Thats why you have the bandages and bandaids in your survival kit. Okay now flashlights....you ready? Me: Beam me up scotty Sales Guy: Haha Id recommend this flashlight to go with that knife of yours, it can be used in self defense, it has strobe, sos and other modes. Me: Really? What is a strobe used for? To party with the wild? I just downloaded a great playlist... Sales Guy: haha no, you can stun or distract the threat and get away from it. You can also use this part to jab at perps. Me: Or I could stun, distract and or jab myself and make for easy prey. Sales Guy: You need an instruction manual, preferably in the form of a person who has survival skills. Then he begins to stick these barcodes onto his hand Me: Why are you labeling yourself? Do I get you with a purchase of equipment? Are you my on-the-go field guide? Sales Guy: Yes, Im on a buy stuff and get me for free discount today, so Africa here I come! Me: Thats awesome, I need a field assistant, so do you know how to operate the strobe light and swiss knife? Sales Guy: Yes, its part of orientation when we join the sales task force at Paragon. Me: Brilliant. Ive always wanted a body guard. And thats how you conscript labor folks. :) Now back to work....
Posted on: Sun, 30 Mar 2014 19:03:58 +0000
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