Someone asked me through inbox last night. She asked that Dr Love Can you love a liar? My answer to her was Its painful to love someone who has trouble telling the truth but walking away hurts too. Once you discover hes been lying to you, youll have to decide -- whats the next move? Throwing up your hands and tossing him out is an easy answer. However, once youve made an emotional investment thats tough. When youve been lied to, the rules fly out the window. Navigate your relationship (and yourself) successfully through this minefield to come to the right decision for you. Ask yourself some tough question. Getting to the real truth may take some time. To trust or not to trust? Lying to your lover is not a good practice but there are occasions when this may seem necessary. For example, the perilous, Does this make me look fat? question or Do you really love my cooking? In those cases, admit it, we expect him to lie. But, if hes lying about where hes been, who hes with or how much he spent, you might have trouble. Suspend trust if you have questions. Blind trust isnt smart if an honest answer is apparent. Compulsive or occasional? Compulsive liars do more than give pleasant answers. A compulsive liar lies about even small, unimportant details. These guys feel the need to elaborate on everything. During the course of the relationship, you may find he never went to college, doesnt drive a Corvette and never went to Paraguay. Dont ignore discrepancies. Question him on points that seem contradictory. Dont be bullied by labels like nag. Demand the truth. An occasional lie might be forgiven but compulsive liars dont make good boyfriends. Dig a little deeper. Go outside your immediate circle of friends to get the scoop. Seek out his family or old friends and ask pointed questions. You dont have to interview them but at least ask a few decent questions. Keep in mind that word of your research might make it back to him so be prepared for a confrontation. Rebuilding trust. If you decide that loving a liar is worth a shot, youll need to rebuild trust. This cant be done without his help so hell have to commit to it. If not, youre grasping at straws. Ask him to be honest about any lies he may have told you. Declare the current date to be a fresh start. Remind him that any lies that occur after this point will have serious consequences like a good bye! One way to build trust is to seek counseling from a professional. If you decide to stay, it might be worth the investment.
Posted on: Thu, 03 Apr 2014 07:43:03 +0000
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