Sometimes I feel like a person who is having to constantly remember how to be human. You would think I am old enough to remember by now, but no --- every single day I have to remind myself how to be sane and move from one hour to the next all over again. I may never fully understand how humans function or succeed, and perhaps this keeps me somewhat naive and enigmatic and full of enthusiasm for that which is often discarded and forgotten. I do not live here. I rarely live in the conceptual space you call consensus reality. I dont usually know what I feel about the experiences I have until several days after having them. My memories are filtered through several selves. What each self gleans from the input is highly subjective. My selves and their competing observations cooperate to make this writing you read. I think I am a highly articulate but barely functional human at moments. Life arrests me; life distracts me. I absorb so much in my glimpse of each persons life, I resonate so much from my contact with each building or city or face, and in a highly personal way, I must digest and heal from the raw input I get. My eyeballs are erogenous zones. My brain, it overloads and I am not one for rituals, thus my body on its own metabolizes whatever I see or feel or read or encounter and I reach balance again, inevitably. Sometimes I feel like an armadillo who has swallowed the Eiffel Tower. Is my life, my vocation, ultimately that of a soul collector? Am I mapping the planet to one day present it with a fully autonomous simulacrum of itself? I know this sounds funny, even religious to some. I am averse to everything, yet my mind has an open door and I hear this door swinging back and forth on a rusty hinge and allowing the entire universe to flood my foundations. Hey, thats just how I feel today. Other days I feel like a steamroller! In other words, to quote an old jingle: Sometimes you feel like a nut; sometimes ya dont!
Posted on: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 21:53:47 +0000
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