Spirit Journey Youth, Diocese of Arizona: Kahlil Gibran “You often say, “I would give, but only to the deserving, the trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pastures. They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.” I still remember with embarrassment an incident in Flagstaff at the bus stop several years ago. There were five youth in the van with one who was still outside taking his time in getting in. I saw a homeless man begging from car to car for money. I told the youth to hurry and get into the car so we could leave. He took his time doing so and I was mad. Finally he gets in and we drive away before the homeless approaches us. I made some excuse like “I didn’t like the looks of him.” The youth says “I thought you told us to respect the homeless and treat them like relatives.” I had no answer. I muttered some justification. Later on that night I had to look deep into myself on what happened. Somewhere in the darkness of my soul, I realized that my judgmental self had secretly evaluated each homeless man as to worthiness. I don’t like the ones who beg so I hurried the kids away. It took some solitary time to examine my flaws and decide to change. It didn’t take time to remember my own struggle with being deserving. I apologized to the youth in the van the next week. “It’s okay, Kaze,” says one youth. “Sometimes I let my fears get the best of me.” I have held on to these words of healing from a youth 52 years younger than I am. I think repeatedly about how being deserving or undeserving is a core disease in our souls. Believing that grace falls on the deserving and the undeserving is a phenomenal concept. It calls into question our achievements and our status based on our ‘deserving.’ It demands that we see each other as one family, loved without holding back. This past week, the same youth messed up by doing something immature in the group. I was disappointed in what he did. And then I remembered. It is not about deserving or undeserving. It is not about reaching expectations. It is about being on a journey where we fail and rise up because we know that we are on a journey; a life of learning from our mistakes and rising again to our capacity for being holy, for being generous. It is good to be in a community that has formal and informal ways of saying “I messed up. I can start again.” It is good to be in a community of faith. In faith Kaze From the Spirit Journey Youth blog of Kaze Gadway who works with emerging leaders of The Episcopal Church within the Native community of Northern Arizona, youth of promise, ages 12 to 20.
Posted on: Wed, 24 Jul 2013 16:55:00 +0000
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