Today....will not end.... I wish I could go to sleep n not think, have a restful nite just like in the arms of the one you love, Making you feel loved and completely safe. There are folks who dream of a better tomorrow..... Then occasion you meet someone whos attitude smacks you in the face with someone who is perfectly willing to do it for the first time just to make a difference and believe in themselves. Christopher Columbus. ?.. who, why, how.....did you ever stop to think? I am SOOOOOO incredibly sorry for all the pain it may cause some of you......I HAVE TO DO THIS... There is a terrible urge inside me to try to make my world a better..yes insert what is needed... Yes I know I cant do it alone......but cant help myself wanting to try.... I am a creature driven by feelings and an overwhelming desire to help......sometimes is almost too hard to bare alone.... ( not many of you really know me. ) No, I am not asking for help.....I know it is not something any of you are interested in, it is a cause I feel deeply over. and for as much as it pains me to say this....I have decided this is the place where I will one day rest in peace.. Not sure when that will be.... Until then, I have started my normal shit storm, found a friend...NO LONGER can stand being without music, purchased a sound system (p.o.s.) way too expensive..had to turn it on....within 4 minutes lost that first friend. She has a massage parlor.....GOD DAMMIT... right next to our house/bus/restaurant. Found out she hated the prior owners for the music, I had to turn it WAY THE HELL down to make her happy..... I am absolutely 100 percent positive there is NO WAY IN THIS LIFE TIME am I going to bow down to the demands of any other person any more, I WANT music here. I have within a 2 week period, purchased a restaurant, moved in with no power, no water and no fridge to keep food, no stove, no furniture.... hm, nope this is a waste writing, NONE of you would do this....just spending on the fix...not the fancy. Found a reliable worker, had my phone stolen,(now have a spanish one, been threatened not to report or ya ya ya....yep, if you are reading this, you know it I DID, so since then am much more watchful, and sure none of this is the way intended.....too funny, it seems like most of my life is like that. Found out there is much more damage to the building than I expected expected, but turns out to be a blessing in disguise. I would hate the stench of what they use here to kill off bugs. I will simply remove and replace with concrete or metal...or combo. Here the treatment cycle is 6 months, but you cannot go back in for 3 days.... um ya NO? Had the tourism bourd show up asking what my intent is????? Wanting to see what type of business and other thing is this going to be. All interested in the solar aproach, they want us to be part of their eco tour or something. one day if I can figure out to build it or buy it..... an entire solar/eco local....feeding BACK into the system and NOT having to pay for power which is rapidly growing up out of control I am told.... lol nope I am still not hooked up. And being self sufficient with water .... hopefully have a yummy salad garden. Yes I wish we had enough money to buy the land behind here, that would be the perfect thing here, and would complete my dream.....yeah, spose I should have said....after building all planned in my head...would be perfect. I wish you could all understand me and my dreams for a better future for my immediate family and expand to include all of you..... I find it strange how no one seems to think outside your own boxes, am I so totally different? ?.? Am I so strange?? no one wants to even consider being anything else in life??? Yes I know a FEW of you have HAD dreams and realized them..... then what? ? is that the end....you sit back like old farts.... n what?? What did you do?? Did it make you feel like you got there does any one else feel a drive like you cant stop?? N if you do it means you gave up? ?......it is how I feel. I dont want to give up, I am NOT a quiter.... no matter how hard it gets.... Are you happy where you are in life? Well I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU If you are reading this, first I forgot to erase it so no one reads it, second, you either gave up on dreams... or never had any to begin with which I think is sadder. If you were in any way driven as I am like .... you would have no time to waste reading this.....you would be out there somewhere ...... making your own differences what ever part of the world you chose to live in. Sometimes it makes me feel so sad, feeling lonely in the way I think and feel, no not like I am nuts. My intent is not normally for any harm, altho only god knows how shit turns out with me. I know there has got to be a better way of life than the one that has been chosen by the society you live in, I was so disgusted with the changes in the way of life in the USA, I just had to leave, I want a better future for me and my kids.... it will take me a while to get it done, but I am hoping to create a safe haven inside an area that has ALMOST like an electric charge to my system....making me feel better here, the pain goes away so much faster than any medicines taken. My body is telling me to stay. There is an incredible draw to this exact mini town if ya wanna call this tiny zone that.....it is slowly becoming a world wide draw.....ONCE experienced. .... you would know.....there are folks that are from everywhere living or buying here to stay. Some folks have been here longer than 20 years as a tourist not willing to give up this place. I am trully grateful to my husband Jd...for believing in me.....when it seems no one else does. ( Raye you do ) Honey....I will always try to make you proud I stead of being embarrassed of me. I love you. At all the end of it all....it would be nice to see you here.........calle principal Cocles, Limon, Costa Rica.......... thats where you will find me....
Posted on: Wed, 12 Mar 2014 06:21:20 +0000
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