my favorite fart - a short story by andy oriley. it was my second time around the 7th grade. I was I was an Assumption Arrow, a small one hall 1st-8th grade catholic school. I believe it was all saints day mass or maybe something like our lady of Guadalupe day....who knows, but I was tapped to be the alter boy along with my buddy trent heitzman for the all school mass where sister Felicia had planned a nice round robin singing of some church anthem or another....it was going to be one for the ages, and possibly the distribution point for operation rice bowls that sat on the counter for months collecting dust....they were awesome. well, I was doing pretty good until whatever I had for breakfast decided the fiber from the shredded wheat or oatmeal raisin squares got things to rumbling...and try as I might, and then again thought I had had them sufficiently squeltched up till this point. well, the pressure kept building and I kept sweating it out trying to hold back.....shift this way, shift that way....maybe....just maybe I can get a QBD out......maybeeee.......FART!!!!! right on the solid wood deacons bench, and brother did it echo up in the cathedral like ceilings of the old assumption church. it shook the world, and had it happened in different circles....could have possible established my hierarchy among other young men once and for all, but in this particular instance, it was a lightning rod for laughter. I was mortified.....the world could have stopped and I wouldnt have given a shit. the priest....who was a visitor by the way, so you know....some drifter....whatever.....looked absolutely SHELL SHOCKED. an a-10 warthog could have just sprayed bullets 10 feet from his feet and he wouldnt have looked more horrified...but the most priceless memory was trent.....he was literally as red as a lobster trying to hold in the laughter......it was the energy of the sun trying to escape his held tight jaw. later on down the road, trent peed on my shoe in a burger king parking lot....anyway, thats the story of my favorite fart. I hope you enjoyed it.
Posted on: Mon, 24 Feb 2014 23:39:26 +0000
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