Fool Me Once, Shame on You, Fool Me Twice, Shame on Me!- The #1 Way To Confirm Disorder There is one critical element that disordered individuals do that prove to you that their actions are contradictory and that their endless apologies and effort to move you back into the relationship are completely empty….. I wanted to share this in a post because this is something I’m seeing a lot in survivors right now. Understanding what I’m about to share, will cut your cognitive dissonance, ruminating and obsessing if you can focus on this one behavior that is chronic with the disordered: When you tell them to stop a behavior that hurts you, they will continue to do it. In fact, psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists, being masters of observance of human behavior, good AND bad, will take note of your reactions, facial expressions and body language when they know they’ve delivered a whopper that is like a psychological knifing, leaving a deep wound. You share, in pain (because you’re human and haven’t yet associated the reality that they are not), that what they have said and/or done, hurts you, and it will be repeated, oftentimes worse the next time. Because the disordered have no conscience, what they say and do to you, does not move them to change their behavior. The best example I could give of this, is when my ex psychopath would tell me he was going on vacation with his wife. He knew this caused me intense pain. I reminded him that he needed to let me know this as soon as he knew so I could emotionally prepare for his absence and the subsequent pain it would cause. As soon as I let him know this, every subsequent vacation he took, he either told me the day before, or the day of departure. One time, I was told in email and he never bothered to tell me in person. Every single time he did this, I would dissolve into tears and become very emotionally distraught. It wasn’t until the last time he did it to me, and I saw the look of glee on his face, that I realized he was enjoying this. Despite repeated efforts in sharing how something hurt me, he continued to do it. If you can look past the reality that this relationship I had was an affair, and focus on what he was doing in tactics, you’ll understand that every single disordered one does this in all their intimate relationships. Whatever hurts you the most, will become a tactic of repetition. There are many survivors who excuse the pathological, whether he is a narcissist or a sociopath/psychopath or both, as not having control over their behavior. This is not true, they know exactly what they are doing and it’s the repeated behavior after you tell them to stop, that will confirm their disorder to you. Often survivors will believe that the disordered have no control over their behavior, because he was abused, because he has PTSD, because he is an addict (and this is true, he is addicted to causing you pain), etc. They do have control over their behavior. Precisely why what they do in hurting you repeatedly is calculated. It is meant to hurt. They do it on purpose. It isn’t an ‘accident’ it is a choice to cause pain. They feed off your painful reaction to their behavior. Many survivors become confused because they don’t understand why when they’ve repeatedly told him/her to stop hurting them in some way, it happens again. People who love and care for you, would be greatly upset at any notion that they’ve hurt you in some way and would work to make that right. A disordered one never, ever will. This behavior is a critical element in clarifying for you, their disorder. It’s a manifestation of their lack of conscience, callousness and lack of empathy. If you share with a partner that their behavior is painful to you and it’s repeated, get out. People who love you, consider your hurt and pain. Think about what happens when you know you are causing someone pain. Are you inclined to do it again, or to try to fix it? Disordered ones may apologize, but then they will wait until your ‘hurt’ has passed and, like the predators they are, will attack you again when you least expect, hurting you more the second time. This is a game for them. And it’s a guarantee they are disordered. Onward and upward.
Posted on: Thu, 25 Jul 2013 15:22:54 +0000
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