[A sannyasin who is involved with a married sannyasin, expressed concern about returning to the West. She said she was usually in a triangle situation.... ] People learn these roles. Once they learn them they become efficient. Then you cannot change the role because you have not been so efficient in other roles; that’s the problem. You must have learned how to become part of a triangle so you become like a buffer between two persons. And you enjoy it also, because it gives a certain power. When somebody is interested in you and he has a wife, you feel more powerful. There is a competition; a subtle competition between you and the wife. Triangles are always dangerous. It is better not to get into them. The basic urge to get into a triangle is not love, it is something else. It is power. You feel more powerful because you can pull [your boyfriend] from his wife towards you. And the wife is also feeling powerful – she pulls [her husband], and he is just a football between the two of you. When he is hit by her, he comes to you. When you hit him, he goes there. It cannot become a very mature love; it is childish. But it is difficult to get out of any triangle. You were happy when he was not here, and you are again happy now he is gone. All those days in between were unhappy. But still you cannot drop out of it because you have learned the role. You know how to play this tape so you play it again and again. You can go on playing it unless you become courageous enough and you stop. Whatsoever brings misery, stop it immediately. Otherwise one becomes accustomed to misery, habituated to misery. If something is miserable, get out of it – whatsoever the cost. In the end you will find it has not been costly. In the end you will feel thankful to God that you came out of it. And this is not only with [your boyfriend]. For the whole life remember it... Let it be a deep tacit understanding. Whenever you feel that something is becoming miserable, then have enough courage to get out of it. You only know how to get in and you don’t know how to get out – as if your house has only an entrance and no exit. But I’m not saying get out of it – because if I say that, you will cling more. I’m not saying anything. I’m simply saying to become understanding and see the whole point. You cannot be happy in it. You cannot become very intimate because the third person will always be there. He is not ready to leave his wife, and he is not ready to leave you. And neither of you are ready to leave him – then what can be done? Become a little more courageous. Tell him that either he decides or you decide. Tell him that if he loves you, to get out of it – because the wife must be suffering. She must be suffering more than you because she has more vested interest. You must be the enemy and she must be suffering because of that tension. And you are suffering. I cannot see how a man can be happy between two suffering women. It is difficult enough even with one suffering woman. But by and by we become immune and we accept misery as our fate, as if it is a destiny. But enough! Go back and decide something. The whole point of being with me is to be courageous enough to take your life in your own hands. See what you have been doing to it. And don’t be destructive in it. Love yourself – and everything else follows OshO
Posted on: Fri, 10 Oct 2014 12:18:01 +0000
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