This is for Frodo Smith.. Miss you so much :) Gone Forever Gone. Just gone. It never really hits you until theyre gone. When I lost him, I didnt know what to do. He had always been there. Why was he not here now ? Why ! I don’t understand. It hurts to think about him, all the wonderful things about him, that I’ll never get to see again. I wish he was here. I always feel like people are thinking I’m making it all up for attention. I’m not, it really hurts. I’m constantly told it will get easier. It hasn’t. If anything its getting harder. Knowing that I can never see him, feel him, hear him, touch him again, tears me apart. It will never get better, the pain will never go away. I love him, I miss him but at the same time I hate him. Why did you leave me ? How dare you leave me alone. All alone, you were my best friend, and you left me. I know I’m responsible too though. It was I who made the decision. I was told it was for the best. He would be happier I was told. How do they know that. They don’t know what the after life is like. He could be all alone, scared, he could think we betrayed him. I don’t want him to think that. I would never betray him. I could never betray him. Never. Or what if there is no after life. Just nothing. He’s gone forever, theres no trace of him. Vanished, completely gone. Oh but I feel pathetic. When people tell me it will get better and it hasn’t, why is that.. Am I weak. Am I not strong enough to handle it. Everyone else is getting on just fine. Like it’s normal. Well it’s not normal. I don’t think it is. It’s not normal for someone to be there for ever and then one day, theyre not. How can someone be gone that fast. I felt him die. He was scared, I could tell. He was anxious when the she came in. He knew what was happening. My head was on his chest, he was cuddling in. The warmth of his body against mine. I could here his heart dying, slowly dying. Slowing down to the softest of beats. I could hear him breathing. He was breathing really heavily. He was stressed out. I felt his chest move up and down as his lungs filled with air and then emptied. Breathing in.. Out.. In.. Out.. In ….. I waited for it, but it never came. He never let that breath out. I couldnt hear his heart anymore and when I looked in his eyes I knew he was gone. I’ve always heard in books people saying, “there was no life in their eyes”. I always thought that was ridiculous, how can someone not have life in theyre eyes. But I finally understood it when I looked into his eyes. Blank. No expression. Empty, looking rights through me. It wasnt him. I regretted the decision and wanted him back straight after, but it was to late. He was gone. And he still his. And he always will be. Gone forever.
Posted on: Sat, 15 Nov 2014 03:00:39 +0000
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