CH 1 NIGERIA WE HAIL THEE An elderly Nigerian traveled out of Nigeria for the very first time to London, and on Sunday morning, went to church. A few minutes before the church started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared in the church. Everybody started screaming and running for the exit, trampling on one another in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate. Soon, everyone had exited the church except for the elderly Nigerian man who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence. So, Satan walked up to the old man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?” The Nigerian replied, “Yeah, sure do.” “Aren’t you afraid of me?” Satan asked. “No” “Don’t you realize I can kill you with a word?” “Do not doubt it for a minute” returned the old man in an even tone. “Do you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony and misery for all eternity?” Satan persisted. “Sure,” returned the man. More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, “Well, why aren’t you afraid of me?” “Because,” the Nigerian calmly replied, “I’ve been living in YOUR COUNTRY for the past 68yrs.” As your plane touches down the tarmac of the Lagos Murtala Muhammed International Airport, one of Nigeria’s five major international airports, and you come off the plane, the weather is the first thing you will notice. You jump into a car, and as you taxi towards your destination in the city through this “hot’ weather, you unconsciously digest your immediate surroundings. You observe as you move, the presence of clubs, cinemas, a few open restaurants, supermarkets and hotels. You are jolted as your car successfully jumps through some unruly potholes, glides up and down a few bridges, and runs into a number of inescapable traffic jams. You check your time as you note the number of cars on the road. It is between 9pm and 1am, and you imagine what the traffic would be like during the day. Your eyes drift through the window and you see hawkers all over the place. You observe people walking about their businesses. You notice some mechanics fixing a broken down vehicle, and wonder what those two you’ve just seen are arguing about. There are so many people about. Your car suddenly takes a desperate dash, makes it through a bottleneck and you glide up another bridge. You are amazed at the number of people you have seen. How come there are so many people? You reflect and then you remember that Nigeria is the most populous country in Africa. You wonder if Nigeria is Africa’s largest country. It is not even amongst Africa’s first twelve. Though with an area of 932,769sq km, this is West African country is indeed a vast country. It is larger than Britain, France, Belgium and Netherlands all put together. Its southern shores are flanked by the Gulf of Guinea, and its northern frontiers mark the southern end of the Southern end of the Sahara Desert. To the west lies the Benin Republic, and to the east, the United Republic of Cameroun. Nigeria is watered mainly by Niger and Benue rivers, and its undulating plains surround a mapped central plateau rising to 1800m above sea level. Travelling from south to north, there are four vegetation zones. At the southern extreme is the mangrove coastal zone, then the ever green forest belt, through the savannah, and into the sahel at the northern extreme. But you would have observed along the way, ancient ruins and historical sights that inform you that this country must have had a distinguished history. You are not far from the truth, for in those days of the old, when men were men, Nigeria consisted of many independent republic and princely states which formed part of what was known as the belt of the great empires of western Sudan. It was within this area that at about 500BC-200Ad, the advanced and artistic NOK civilization existed. It was also here that the ancient Kanem Bornu, Fulani, Benin, Oyo and a lot of other African empires famous for their art, wealth, and power, flourished. Modern Nigeria however, has but a short history. The country “Nigeria” derived from “Niger-Area” was formed in 1914 by the amalgamation of a number of African states into one large territory under a single administration. I must pause here to point out that the name Nigeria was interestingly not given to my country after lengthy and thorough by the then Governor-General and his colonial assistants, but by a mistress of the colonial Governor-General who I presume must have been wondering aloud what to call this new country that will result from his amalgamation of the northern and southern protectorates under his administration, after it must have been clear that he and his assistants couldn’t come up with a befitting name. Then after a great night of a raunchy and steamy- you know what- that greatly stimulated his partner’s brains, this mistress of his was inspired into solving this problem the governor-in-council couldn’t. She reasoned that since the boundaries of the new geographical area in issue was around the River Niger, then, the country should be called NIGERIA, coined from River Niger Area. EUREKA! It was perfect. I naughtily like to picture her puffing her cigarette, after she had drawn the curtains open, and pacing around the room as she explained this to the governor who I picture sitting in bed, listening and admiring not only the beauty of not only her body, but suddenly, her brains as the whole picture fell into place. I then picture him shouting with joy as he rushed out of bed, grabbing this beauty, tossing her like a baby into space, and excitedly rushing her back into bed for a quick “good job” or “thank you” rumpus. But that is by the way. Nigeria got her independence from Britain on October 1, 1960, and in 1963, became a republic and joined the Commonwealth. She is blessed with abundant natural resources of which oil is her greatest asset. Nigeria is Africa’s biggest oil producer, and would have been the world’s greatest country, were she not inhabited by…NIGERIANS. (NOTE: IF YOU LIKE THIS CHAPTER, YOU’D LOVE CHAPTERS 2-26…. You may inbox me for more info) CH 2-THE NIGERIAN CH 3-THE “NATIONAL CAKE” CH 4-THE “NIGERIAN TIME” CH 5- DRIVING CH 6-THE SIREN CH 7-THE “OKADA” CH 8-AT THE FILLING STATION CH 9-SHOWING OFF(VANITY) CH 10-“SUCCESS” CH 11-PARTYING (OWAMBE) CH 12 THE ART OF HAGGLING CH 13- CORRUPTION CH 14- THE ART OF BRIBERY CH 15-SCANDALS CH 16-THE POLITICIAN CH 17-ELECTIONS CH 18-THE RULE OF LAW CH 19-THE POLICE CH 20-THE CONTRACTOR CH 21-HEALTH CARE CH 22- NEPA/PHCN CH 23- BURIALS CH 24-NOISE EVERYWHERE CH 25-NIGERIA AIRWAYS CH 26-ONLY IN NIGERIA
Posted on: Fri, 03 Oct 2014 21:21:20 +0000
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